Friday, December 7, 2012

Horribly insightful nightmare

Last night I had a horrific nightmare. Its intensity kept me up for an hour to just calm the emotions experienced. Its interesting how dreams can seem so real because you feel the emotions so complete and accurately had it really happened. I dreamt that we had been somehow captured by dark and sadistic people. They segregated Joby and I from our children. Though we were not in the same facility as our children we were somehow able to witness what was happening to them. They were taken to be tortured through cutting them, whipping them and other evil practices. It was so unbearable and I felt my heart break in my dream. I remember that I was very in tune with how pure and innocent my children were which made it even more difficult to handle the grusome acts of the people in my dream. After they were tortured, they would allow the my children to come back into my and jobys arms and our safety so we could try to overcome their pain with our love. I remember telling them that horrible people are going to take them just for a moment and hurt them but if they were brave and endured it they would come back to me and I would hold them and make everything alright.

As I awoke as I stated the intensity and feelings of this dream were so real and strong I couldn't go back to sleep. Strangely my mind turned to Heavenly Father and I was given a small insight as to what He felt and endured as his son was tortured and inflicted with incomprehensible pain.

I have wondered many times how Heavenly Father felt as he watched the Saviors agony, but this dream connected me emotionally to Him in such a way I will never be able to hear of the Saviors suffering without my heart also breaking for Heavenly father as well.

As my children were returned to me in the dream battered and bruised, I was overcome with love for them and wouldn't let them go. I could not contain my happiness I literally felt like my heart would burst.  This made me think of how wonderful the reunion of the Savior to his Heavenly Father must have been!!! My thoughts were that the thought of this reunion is the only thing that allowed Heavenly Father to endure his sons pain. Additionally I was impressed that this is how the Savior feels. He sees our pains, injustices and temptations placed upon us and reaches his arms out pleading for us to come unto him. His heart hurts like mine did for my children in my dream and he too wants us so badly to come into his arms and his safety so he can overcome our pain with his love. "His hand is stretched out still."(2 nephi 19:21) This was so very enlightening to me to  How painful it must be for the Savior to see us pained and we don't go to him for peace. I can't imagine if my children went through such difficult pain and wouldn't let me comfort them.

This dream made me realize on a different level why we go through many difficult challenges. If we stay close to Heavenly father and the Savior in the midst of our burdens our hearts will actually be turned to him. I think through challenges we connect our hearts to him and the Savior because there is a understanding of one another that is exchanged. They have experienced felt every difficulty we will ever go through, by connecting with them through these times we gain a deeper respect and love for one another.  I know when I have a difficult time with a certain personality, if I dig deeper and find out why they act a certain way and I am enlightened to challenges in their past, I understand them more and can look past their quirks. My heart goes out to them as I have a desire to love them as oppose to judge them. I think our souls connect through heartache and challenge.

This dream came appropriately during this Christmas season to remind me of where my heart and mind should be because its so easy to get off track since I love spending money and not only giving but receiving presents! Our Heavenly Father is so merciful and I am grateful he loved us enough to send his Son.