Whats it gonna do nibble at your bum

This is Cru.

He looks simple but causes Joby and I deep perplexity

This is No Fear Cru with our big German Shepard. He loves her and will actually grab her mouth and hold it closed. They play together for hours.

Also, the other day we visited Crus great-grandpas farm where he stood in a sheep corral with over 200 sheep. I don't have footage of this, but he was not scared at all. He chased them and even punched one of the sheep in the face.

That being said, I don't know how to explain this:

Scared out of his mind of fuzzy little bunnies. One hopped over and landed on his shoe and I thought he was going to go into convulsions.

Logical? No
Funny? Yes

All rights reserved on hideous pictures of me

So I am sitting in my sisters office with Joby and we are half talking half watching her computer screensaver which is a slideshow of random photos. I was mid conversation when I looked over and *gasped* in complete horror as I saw this old picture:

Joby laughed hysterically and paused the slideshow to bask in its wretched glory and so he could have ample time to contrive the most sarcastic remarks to respond with.

My question is, how the hell did this picture make the slideshow cut?

I mean it didn't seem to fit the slideshow theme. First you see my adorable nephews in their halloween costumes and then my sister and brother in law looking like models on the beach and then a cute family picture of all of them and then... segue to the poor misfortunate backwoods looking super pregnant sister that looks like she might have been in some terrible accident earlier in life.

Notable repulsive photographic features include:

pregnancy induced double chin

hunched back and 81/2 months huge(with Cru)

teeth resembling a donkey

weird squinty eyes

standing coordinate(most disturbing)...Why the crap am I alone in the foreground with a moronic look on my face. Shouldn't I be in the background with my family also adoring the baby?

This slideshow sits on her desk for all of her employees to see. I bet every time this picture surfaces all of her maids make comments about Callies "misfortunate looking sister."

In conclusion: If anyone has a picture of me where I resemble a donkey, all rights are reserved.

buh buh buh buh buh

I was hoping when I related to "Overboard," (one of my favorite movies) it would be because I was living on a yacht with a body that compliments stringy one piece swimwear.

Not even close.

It has been one of those days that I end in a comatose state where I would be oblivious to bread crumbs being thrown at my face as I mumble "buh buh buh" like goldie hawn in the clip below



I recently came to...to write this post.

I'm pretty sure with each additional kid the "Buh buh buh" moments are going to increase in frequency.

buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh

The T-Rex bunny wishes you a happy easter

This is the 20 foot T-rex that resides in the neighboring town next to "Hillbilly hell" where we are moving. He's an extremely festive carnivore. In February he was holding a heart shaped box of chocolates. In the summer he has been known to sport a cowboy hat and a watermelon.

I guess if I can't live by the beach living by a seasonally decorated dinosaur is the next best thing.

Happy Easter !

Enter to win

Fortunatelys is featured at Sampler Village until the 31st! Go enter to win and check out their other sweet gift boxes.

Three legged dogs make me laugh

Especially when they are utilized in children programing as a way to help kids be more accepting of others who look different.

Cru was watching "Clifford the big red dog" the other day and out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of what I thought was a cartoon 3 legged dog hopping across the screen and to my great satisfaction... it was!!

The corners of my mouth immediately curled into a dastardly smile.

It was epic. I think I was more entertained than Cru. The 3 legged dog bounced over to the other dogs and they all became really uncomfortable and awkwardly walked away to avoid him. Apparently this is the wrong behavior, but thats pretty much what i do when I come in contact with a three legged dog.

I was hoping he had a spanish accent as my only experience viewing three legged dogs is on our trips to TiJuana. We would actually play a version of "Wheres Waldo" when we crossed the border but it was called "wheres a four legged dog." Surprisingly its difficult to find in TJ and three legs are more of the norm.

Why all TJ dogs only have 3 legs you ask? I still don't know but will spend the rest of my life trying to find the answer.

I searched diligently for a picture or video of this specific episode, but to my dismay could not find any of the priceless footage to post. Joby said I have to stay on the computer until I find it as he feels cheated for not being able to view it.

In the end the dogs deal with their "3legaphobia" and befriend the misfortunate animal.

Moral of the story: If you use a three legged dog as an object lesson... the lesson will sadly be lost in my non-sensitive laughter.

I'm temporarily anti-color

According to Joby I am a part time goth. He claims pregnancy makes me anti-color.

I have noticed that around four months into pregnancy everything black in my wardrobe seems to be worn more frequently. This frequency seems to increase and by nine months color has been completely absolved from my attire and I pretty much wear the Mac cosmetic uniform everyday...black on black. One month after pregnancy I seem to welcome color back into my life.

I apparently am a typical girl and realized I simply resort to black for its wonderful concealing abilities. Its my attempt to trick my mind into believing I still have some sort of figure even though the baby is trying her best to sabotage it. I think its easy to feel huge during pregnancy, even though its just the baby, and anything that makes me feel less like a cow in those last months I will fully support.

See, sporting black straight forward I'm only a little pregnant

Even though turning to the side I am obviously 7 months.

Joby always says my psychosomatic neuroticisms are what keep our marriage interesting.

Side note, never say never. I find that whatever you say you will "never do" 9 times out of ten you will do.

Pre-children I always judged mothers whos kid still had a binky in after they were walking. I claimed my kid will NEVER use a binky past 10months. Below you will find a picture of my hypocrisy.

16 month old Cru.

What I should have said was "My kid will never use a binky past 10 months.......unless I find it a useful weapon to quiet tantrums and high pitched screaming."

Shun the non-believers

Normally I don't fall prey to supposed "Old Wives Tales, " but this one seems to be eerily accurate. The gender and amount of kids you will have can be predicted by a strand of your hair, your wedding ring and the energy from your wrist.

It just makes logical sense.... right?

When my sister introduced this to me my response was the same as Jobys response to me now that I believe it.."This is ridiculously stupid." However, it has predicted correctly on everyone I know, including myself, by predicting Cru as a boy and our next as being a little girl before I had an ultra sound. Interestingly enough if it ends up being completely correct we are going to have 6 kids the last being twins.

Just try it...you know you want to.

In conclusion, thank you Utah for the ridiculous amount of billboards lining our freeways promoting liposuction, plastic surgery and "miracle juices." And thank you Utah for introducing me to Voodoo.

***This is a video I found on Youtube showing the "ring trick" However, it works the same using a needle and string.

Basically circle means girl, swinging back and forth perpendicular to your wrist equals boy and swinging parallel to your wrist equals twins. It will swing for a while before stopping and then continuing with the next predicted gender.

We bring out feelings in others they themselves don't understand

Joby and I team teach the Old Testament to the 16-18 year olds and they typically welcome the sarcasm we sprinkle through out the lesson. We decided to make my fortune cookies for them and as per usual the fortunes were more comically demeaning then uplifting.

Examples include:

"You should be more concerned about your elephant smell"

"Your excessive body hair does not go unnoticed by others"

"You are not only dull yourself you are the cause of dullness in others."

We decided it would be more prudent to make the cookies an object lesson and compared the cookies to the adversaries tactics stating , "he puts things in beautiful enticing little packages, but on the inside he has nothing but disdain for you." We totally thought we were brilliant even though ironically we created the sarcastic fortunes for our own sadistic pleasure.

Anyway, we noticed one of the kids in our class seemed to be troubled and wasn't as boisterous as usual. We could tell he was having a bad day and so I kind of didn't want him to get a fortune cookie because of their potential to be a downer. I was hoping he would get a more mild one, but apparently he received the one which stated:

"Since you're gross shouldn't you be smart?"

So I was like "yeah, the adversary sucks can you believe he wrote something so incredibly rude."

Concern: What if his problem is that he thinks he is gross and unintelligent and the cookie confirmed it?

Needless to say he wasn't in class this week.

Moral of the story: Do not come to my and jobys class if you think you're gross and unintelligent and are having a bad day.

P.S. My kid and Joby are cute:

Expectations exceeded

on a more sentimental note....

I always had great expectations for my life with Joby. He is my best friend, treats not only me, but all women as queens and can make me laugh harder than anyone. Our life together has never been dull and never a day goes by without expressions of love....or sarcasm

Its strange its only been three years and as cliche as it is...I vaguely remember life before him...and can't imagine life without him

For two people who always subscribed to the philosophy "Never grow up," I think were doing a pretty good job of "growing up" together.

And yes...below is a portion of our wedding video in honor of our anniversary.

(I fully admit my dorkiness in posting it. ) Truly, the best day of my life.

Heres to umptine more years of calling you so obnoxious, so immature, so attractive, so hilarious, so driving me nuts, so perfect for me.

The Duncan principle is valid

So if you watch "Community" you know that the Duncan Principle(which consisted of leaving test subjects in a waiting room until they broke down) was debunked by one of the volunteers.

However, I am here to confirm the validity of the Duncan Principle from first hand experience. In the episode Annie entered the room full of test subjects, when the experiment was "suppose to" begin, and said the following:

In my experiment, I told Joby to stop at one of my friends house so I could drop something off and I would only be 5 minutes.

I ended up returning to the car after 20 minutes and his response was identical to the test subject below....even down to the uncontrollable english/spanish hysterics.

Conclusion: The data I collected finds The Duncan principle conclusive in the Archer family.

A little boasting..

Carol Ann Huntington, Editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine, wrote a very favorable article about Fortunatelys on her Gift idea blog! She said they are "charming and clever" and she would feel "pretty fortunate to get these unique edible gift ideas as a thoughtful little surprise" Yay!

Thought I would boast a bit as it really made my day. You can check out the article here. I have been a big fan of her site for while and have used it to find fantastic gift ideas. Its a great site and won numerous awards. Additionally, Carol is a wonderful person. If you are looking for a unique gift check out her great ideas here (but still send Fortunatleys. hehe!)

The era of no responsibility

It seems like every era of life seems to start out extremely challenging, but seems to bring forth greater joys and self discovery. I find I temporarily look back each time my life takes a new pathway. Just as you seem to say,"hey I got this. This life thing isn't so difficult after all," you get thrown in a whole new direction with a whole new set of challenges and responsibilities. Its seems as though you start out as a student and once you master that time period and feel as though you are at the top, you are pushed back down to become the student again. Your experience, however, brings greater tools and knowledge to each era. I have found that once I commit to my new direction I find life always seems to bring greater adventures, wisdom, growth and happiness. The era of no responsibility was one of the most difficult to let go, but I would never go back. I think becoming a wife and mother has been one of the most challenging eras. I'm sure more fun difficult surprises are yet to come, but its been the best era yet. However, I'm sure in 20 years I will just get the hang of this mom and wife thing and then my kids will leave and a new era will unfold to Joby and I and we will yet again become the students. And that era will then be the best to me.

Life is unpredictably wonderful and the best is always yet to come.

Below is the footage I collected from "The era of no responsibility." San Diego 2003-2008.

Its almost 30 minutes and split into 3 parts for uploading capability. Fun times and wonderful relationships can't be captured in a two minute clip! Much of video is low quality due to compressing the video. Enjoy!

Part 1 Boat dances, roomate fun times



Random times/glamis/Joshua tree/Devils punch bowl/inflatable fun

Part 3 Tea party/Karaoke ending

"The world is closing in- Did you ever think -That we could be so close, like brothers
The future's in the air-I can feel it everywhere-Blowing with the wind of change" -Scorpions

Strange things are afoot...

Dream: So, for the fourth night in a row I continue to have the same dream. I am walking up to the shoreline of a lake and these two aquatic puppies swim up to me. You can view a very professionally drawn accurate depiction of these animals by clicking here. I pick them up, hug them and instantly fall in love with them.

Dream analysis: Does this mean that I am going to give birth to two dog fish?

On another strange note, I was speaking to my brother today and he said he would have to call me back because he had to stop his two dogs from eating his elk head.(gross!)

And a random question: Am I the only person in Utah whos daily routine doesn't consist of refilling and consuming a 44 oz cup of soda?

No offense winter, but I hate you

Winter darling~

For two months we have enjoyed your beauty and the way you purify all that you touch.

We have laughed till we cried playing in your frozen flakes of white.

We smiled as you created a feeling of Christmas with your picturesque wonderland scene. We enjoyed the chilling nights that let us curl up by a hot fire with a delicious cup of hot cocoa and memories of winters past. And now winter, as you continue your elegance into January I just want to say.....

I hate you.

I can't go skiing because I'm pregnant. Everyday I barely miss a faceplant episode, but wake up sore the next day from the creative Acrobatics I engaged in to prevent me from falling. I can't wear flip flops and have been forced to wear socks after a 10 year sabbatical. I have been reintroduced to the annoyance of scraping my windows before driving my car. Additionally, winter, your beauty deteriorates four days after a new snow fall.

Come November, I will like you again as all is forgotten from enjoying months of spring summer and fall... until then, I hate you.

"you cannot truly practice what Jesus taught and be successful in politics"

After all, it was the politicians of his day who killed Jesus.

Thought this was interesting and exceptionally written. It was produced by one of my favorite constitutional lawyers, John W.Whitehead. It is in response to political assertions, but it is also a reminder of the beautiful and perfect character of our beloved Savior who we are striving to exemplify. Seemed appropriate for this wonderful time of year. Enjoy!

Jesus was a politician’s nightmare. He never ran for political office, but he had quite a platform, and these were his campaign slogans: Love your foes. Help those who hate you. Praise those who curse you. Pray for those who abuse you. If someone punches your cheek, offer the other cheek. If someone steals your coat, offer him your shirt as well. If someone asks you for something, give it to him. Treat others exactly as you would wish to be treated. Love your enemies and treat them well. If you lend money, do it without any expectation of profit. Show favor to ingrates and scoundrels. Do not sit in judgment of your fellow human being. Always forgive.

What politician today could be elected on such a platform? Not even Jesus.

Indeed, the Jesus of the New Testament was about as far from being a politician as one could get. He refused to play power politics. Instead, he challenged the political and religious belief systems of his day. He refused to compromise on his principles, and he preached a message of unity and love, as opposed to the divisiveness that politics relies on.

Jesus was anti-political. He stood against such things as empires, controlling people, state violence and power politics. He saw politics and human governments as inevitably corrupt and set the standard for confronting governmental powers. He taught a new way to govern—one that was spiritually healthy, creative, concerned about the oppressed and the poor and promoted a sense of community. His teachings undermined the establishment and the political status quo, not only of his own time but ours as well.

Jesus advocated love, peace, nonviolence and helping the poor. And he spoke truth to power, uncaring of who he offended, even when all the odds were against it. He constantly inveighed against the rich, the powerful and the exploiters. And his egalitarian treatment of women was so shocking in the patriarchal society of his time that his own male followers could not understand it.

In short, Jesus was a radical.

As author Garry Wills writes in What Jesus Meant, anyone claiming to practice a “Christian politics” other than the kind practiced by Jesus is a usurper. You can’t speak truth to power, as Jesus did, and be the power, because as Jesus showed us, how you change the world is not through government or politics but by raising up communities, bringing people to peace, eschewing power, speaking out against injustice, helping those in need, and loving those around you, even your enemies.

This isn’t to say that religious people should abstain from voting or vote a particular ticket. But if you’re a Christian, you should be doing more than voting for a candidate who promises to be a political savior. As history makes clear, there is no such thing.

Daft the halls.....

Joby and my brothers wishing you all sincere satirical wishes for a wonderful Christmas

Sweet giveaway Yo

My little Fortunatelys is being featured on the illustrious Giveawaytoday!!! Woot Woot!

Go to Giveawaytoday.blogspot.com and enter to win!

If you haven't been to Giveawaytoday you should visit often. My sisters friend Emily created the brilliant blog and she gives away fantastic gifts everyday from amazing companies all over the U.S and Canada. She was just featured in Business Q magazine for being the newest millionaire for her site. (you can see it here)

Little background: After Joby wouldn't move out of San Diego for the two reporting jobs I received after college, I have been a bit lost in direction. Reporting was my dream, but I guess I can understand Joby not wanting to move for a job that starts out at $9.00 an hour. (reporting is not lucrative) Since then I have had some interesting opportunities, but nothing that seemed right. After Cru I found I do have the nurturing gene as I didn't want to work at all and wanted simply to be a stay at home mom. I still wanted something I could pursue at home that would give me fulfillment. While running one day(BTW running is the breeding ground for ideas) the idea for Fortunatelys came to me. I decided since we were moving to Utah, I had to have a cutsie little mom business like every mother in Utah.

I would never guess Fortunatelys would be apart of my path, but it has done surprisingly well and gives me great joy and fulfillment. Its so wonderful to read the beautiful messages and fortunes people create for their loved ones. So go enter to win a Fortunatelys gift box and send some love!!! Click here (winners will be picked at the end of the day)

righteous insubordination

Thought this was interesting ...

Below is a portion of Letter from the First presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter Day Saints in 1941. It is a response to Roosevelts cabinet soliciting support from the church and and its members for the (heavily propaganda laden) Defense savings bond program to fund the war.

"The Church as a Church does not believe in war and yet since its organization whenever war has come we have done our part … we do thoroughly believe in building up our home defenses to the maximum extent necessary, but we do not believe that aggression should be carried on in the name and under the false cloak of defense. We therefore look with sorrowing eyes at the present use to which a great part of the funds being raised by taxes and by borrowing is being put … We believe that our real threat comes from within and not from without, and it comes from the underlying spirit common to Naziism, Fascism, and Communism, namely, the spirit which would array class against class, which would set up a socialistic state of some sort, which would rob the people of the liberties which we possess under the Constitution, and would set up such a reign of terror as exists now in many parts of Europe … "

I'm positive this stance still holds true with the presidency today in regards to the current(propaganda-laden) war.

and on that note....GO COUGARS!

Crus cake wreck

CRU TURNED ONE!


This time last year I was feeling fantastic. Labor was over and I was just enjoying my percocet high.


Not to be cliche...but it is strange to imagine life before Cru. He brings so much joy to our lives, and emptiness to our bank account.


We had a surf theme party for him in honor of his San Diego roots. We made surfboard cookies and a surf scene cake


I definitely don't consider myself a baker. Not really my strength. That's why I had the help of my sister Jacque and friend Kristen. However, when it comes to mischievous, sarcastic or morbid ideas, I would consider myself an expert. Which explains the disturbing scene on Cru's cake of a drowning baby getting eaten by a shark.


Of course it is not Cru. He's the super talented one, safe one on the surf board.

It was a wonderful day

Happy birthday Sweet baby Cru. We love you!