Horribly insightful nightmare

Last night I had a horrific nightmare. Its intensity kept me up for an hour to just calm the emotions experienced. Its interesting how dreams can seem so real because you feel the emotions so complete and accurately had it really happened. I dreamt that we had been somehow captured by dark and sadistic people. They segregated Joby and I from our children. Though we were not in the same facility as our children we were somehow able to witness what was happening to them. They were taken to be tortured through cutting them, whipping them and other evil practices. It was so unbearable and I felt my heart break in my dream. I remember that I was very in tune with how pure and innocent my children were which made it even more difficult to handle the grusome acts of the people in my dream. After they were tortured, they would allow the my children to come back into my and jobys arms and our safety so we could try to overcome their pain with our love. I remember telling them that horrible people are going to take them just for a moment and hurt them but if they were brave and endured it they would come back to me and I would hold them and make everything alright.

As I awoke as I stated the intensity and feelings of this dream were so real and strong I couldn't go back to sleep. Strangely my mind turned to Heavenly Father and I was given a small insight as to what He felt and endured as his son was tortured and inflicted with incomprehensible pain.

I have wondered many times how Heavenly Father felt as he watched the Saviors agony, but this dream connected me emotionally to Him in such a way I will never be able to hear of the Saviors suffering without my heart also breaking for Heavenly father as well.

As my children were returned to me in the dream battered and bruised, I was overcome with love for them and wouldn't let them go. I could not contain my happiness I literally felt like my heart would burst.  This made me think of how wonderful the reunion of the Savior to his Heavenly Father must have been!!! My thoughts were that the thought of this reunion is the only thing that allowed Heavenly Father to endure his sons pain. Additionally I was impressed that this is how the Savior feels. He sees our pains, injustices and temptations placed upon us and reaches his arms out pleading for us to come unto him. His heart hurts like mine did for my children in my dream and he too wants us so badly to come into his arms and his safety so he can overcome our pain with his love. "His hand is stretched out still."(2 nephi 19:21) This was so very enlightening to me to  How painful it must be for the Savior to see us pained and we don't go to him for peace. I can't imagine if my children went through such difficult pain and wouldn't let me comfort them.

This dream made me realize on a different level why we go through many difficult challenges. If we stay close to Heavenly father and the Savior in the midst of our burdens our hearts will actually be turned to him. I think through challenges we connect our hearts to him and the Savior because there is a understanding of one another that is exchanged. They have experienced felt every difficulty we will ever go through, by connecting with them through these times we gain a deeper respect and love for one another.  I know when I have a difficult time with a certain personality, if I dig deeper and find out why they act a certain way and I am enlightened to challenges in their past, I understand them more and can look past their quirks. My heart goes out to them as I have a desire to love them as oppose to judge them. I think our souls connect through heartache and challenge.


This dream came appropriately during this Christmas season to remind me of where my heart and mind should be because its so easy to get off track since I love spending money and not only giving but receiving presents! Our Heavenly Father is so merciful and I am grateful he loved us enough to send his Son.

Suffer the little children

Today was one of those lovely enlightening days where I have been given small, but great insight to something I have pondered much throughout my life. My answer came in testimony meeting. Its interesting how you know how unified in thought and heart a ward is by what happens during testimony meeting. Our ward always seems to take on a unified theme in testimony bearing. Today the focus was children.  The example they are to us and how much the Savior loves them.

 Interestingly Elder Oaks conference talk was brought up 3 times and I have had Elder Oaks conference talk on my mind all week and have listened to it 3 or 4 times this week. It is a very emotionally difficult talk to read through as it touches on the rampant abuse of children all over the world. It has caused me to offer Heavenly Father the same prayer I have given so many times "How is HE and the Savior witness and knowledgeble to such great injustices towards His little children and able to deal with it." I wonder if they sometimes wish justice was immediate. I just picture them being in a constant state of sadness and emotional turmoil watching the evil acts placed upon the little children. I too bore testimony expressing these thoughts and how I know children are an heritage of the Lord and are ENTITLED to a nuclear family consisting of a mother and Father who honor each other. In the Proclamation to the Family it states "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity" Nowhere in any doctrine does it state that we are "entitled" to children. They are a gift and should be treated as such. 

I have  so many friends with a background in a abuse and it gives me such heartache. When contemplating their challenges "Much is give Much is required" has always ran through my head as I think of the "goodly parents" I was born to. 

After I sat down a woman stood up and enlightened me to why certain spirits go to abusive homes and Heavenly Fathers understanding and role in these situations. She said she did not want to share this testimony, but the prompting was to strong. She shared that she was abused as a child and teenager. (later she relayed to me it was sexual abuse) She said she of course went through years of extreme anger and resentment, but through staying close to Heavenly Father it was revealed to her that in the Spirit World we made certain promises and Heavenly Father made certain promises to us. Her promise was that she would accept being placed in an abusive family and Heavenly Father promised her in return that he would stand before her anytime she needed him and feel her with his love and strength and value so she could get through her challenges. I was thinking how amazing she was to be on that level to receive such amazing revelation and to accept it and hold fast to its truth. As she sat down I expressed my appreciation for her testimony and she went into further detail to me and stated my question of how Heavenly Father could witness such things led her to the pulpit. She said that in the height of her anger and abuse she prayed and said "I love you, but you will never understand what I went through because you are not a woman and have not experienced sexual abuse." The Lords answer to her made me cry uncontrollably in the middle of sacrament. (To me it sounds as if he took her away in a vision to explain how he does understand.) He said (me paraphrasing) "oh, but how I do understand. You think I wasn't sexually abused? I was forced to walk publicly naked in front of everyone and received abuse from everyone present. The only difference between yours and my challenge is yours was private. Mine was on display for all and made known to the whole world." I never thought of the Savior experiencing this type of abuse and it pained my heart. There are many other amazing details to her account, but I don't want to share as I have not had her permission as of yet.

Now I have a desire to fast and pray and find out exactly what promises I made to Heavenly Father so I to can live up to my potential. 

My heart goes out to all who have or are experiencing any kind of abuse. I find that many difficult people inside are just pain filled children that experienced much hurt in their childhood. I see cars all the time with babies and toddlers strapped in the back and the window rolled up and both parents smoking. I see mothers and fathers degrading and screaming at their little 1 and 2 year olds as they jerk them into the store and I feel so helpless. I want to take those children in my arms and express how much I love them. Its comforting to me to know that Heavenly Father is also aware of them and taking care of them in his own ways and I can at least pray for their welfare. 


 

Shes crafty!

I feel like I'm always jumping to a new creative outlet throughout my life that temporarily brings me fulfillment and then its onto the next venture. Sometimes I wish I could be more like my sister who can put so much dedication and focus into one thing until it becomes amazingly successful. I typically get bored halfway through and seek out something else. I love new things and experiences...apparently only until the newness wears off. Its been a blessing and a curse in my life. 
So onto my latest venture. Woodworking. Learning how to use jobys saws and power tools opened a whole new world for me in creativity and home improvement ideas. Additionally I can actually make the stuff I pin(pinterest) now.  The chop saw scared the crap out of me at first, but after a day getting familiar with it, its no longer intimidating. 
Until I get bored I make and sell dry/erase calendars and other beach and french inspired home decor. (Oh how I miss the beach )

They are on sale at Black Eyed Susans Boutique in Roosevelt, Bungalow boutique in Heber and will be in a couple boutiques in Salt Lake by the end of the month. I also just opened an Etsy Shop.
 I think creative outlets are so important as a mom. It keeps you energized and prevents you from getting bored with some of routines of being a housewife. Additionally my kids are by my side the whole time and are learning how to be creative as well. Be crafty. It's fun!

Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about putting on your waterwings, so you don't drowned, and running in the rain. 

Yay! It finally rained! Disappointingly not enough or early enough to lift the temporary firework ban due to the crazy fires.( It was actually appropriate we couldn't celebrate our independence with fireworks considering we are no longer independent or free due to the recent passing of certain bills ) 

Oh to be a child again. Free from responsibility and stress. And to have the beautiful mind that says, "hey its raining outside! I'm going to put on my waterwings and run like its recess!" 

Then there's this guy. Super Von Von is apparently not so super in the crawling department. Almost nine months and STILL scooting his way through life. However, his deep staccato laugh makes up for it...

Sassy Sage

Jobys Grandma named Sage "Sassy" when she was just a month old. This has been her nickname ever since and is incredibly fitting.  You never know if she hot or cold. One minute shes screaming "No" or "mine"or having a dramatic meltdown or punching her doll in the face- the next minute shes getting you something to drink, finding your shoes or grabbing her blanket to snuggle with you and biting her dolls face(which strangely means shes happy).  

 Shes our perfect blend of salty and sweet with an adorably contagious smile and laugh. Shes pretty much the freaking cutest thing we have ever seen. Happy Birthday Sagie!

                                                     We had her party in the mountains, and because I am slowly losing my mind, I forgot to take pictures. However, as you can see from the pictures above she is like her Daddy. They both have a strong passion for cake! I'm pretty sure Joby is admiring the cupcake in the pic and not his adorable daughter.

Other adorable people worth mentioning:

Mothers day remembered

As most people, I received many wonderful "Happy Mothers Day" text on Mothers Day but an accidental response is what actually made my day and I will treasure forever.  On one of the mass happy mothers day text  a debbie downer on my friends list inadvertently responded to everyone instead of just the sender. This was her lovely reply:
"not really. Happy ones are for those who are married or single by choice. Sorry but thats how I feel, and thats how I felt last year too."

The question is do you think she felt that way the year before as well?

Either way should this have made Joby and I happy to read....Probably not but then again I'm a bad person so we were giddy with joy.  Sometimes I think my adolescence never left me...
If its any consolation I recall yelling at joby many years ago when I was in a not so bright place, "You could never live a day in my life!" And we make fun of that too.

Twins

So I have made reference to their similarities before and Joby still gets told he is reminiscent of him. Here is yet more proof confirming their twin-ness.

Some of the only differences are I don't listen to or agree with Glenn Beck, but I sometimes listen to and agree with Joby!

**Side note-I like these guys:

Beauty Distortion

Because of how ridiculously cute my little Sage is it causes other girls to want cuteness perfection. However, they are unsuccessfully trying to obtain an unrealistic polished image. The truth is the image they see of Sage is after she has had a shower where dried food or snot is removed, had a diaper change, eaten her frosted mini wheats, had a wardrobe change and her hair tamed by me. Below you will find the beauty evolution of Sage. The appearance transition is almost unrecognizable.

After photos are on top. Before photos which were taken when she first wakes up are on the bottom.

Little kid prayers are the best

Today Cru gave his first prayer by himself and it went like this:

Dear Heavenly father, Thank you for this day. Thank you for getting rid of all the monsters and tigers. Please bless that all the puppies will stay. Name of Jesus Christ amen.

Probably one of the best prayers I've ever heard.

Love him.

Hormones bring us to Jesus!

So I'm sure the title of this post sounds if not blasphemous then ridiculous, but I do have a theory. I say theory as much of my insight could just be radical chemical imbalances, caused by just recently giving birth to a child, as opposed to true inspiration.(which I'm sure is typically the case with me) Either way I give you something to think about.

I like most women do not like hormones. For 7-10 days out of every month I go from an optimist to a pessimist. I feel physically drained. I feel extremely burdened from every ailment. I experience sorrows and emotions that stem from absolutely nothing. I have extreme anger( I'm sure joby can elaborate on this) and no hope for anything. Hormones are simply obnoxious. I hate them. I think I notice them more now that I have family and can't just pamper myself all day. ( ie I notice them more now that I can't be selfish with my time) I have researched every possible solution to counteract their effects such as exercise, nutrition, vitamins, meditation, positive thinking, midol midol midol. I have yet to find a cure all and just have to try to get through this time without ruining someone's life.

You know how people find the most outlandish things to tie to the Gospel?(like Harry Potter? Yes that was a dig at you Kristen..hehe)

Well here is where I tie hormones to Jesus...

I was reading in Isaiah 53, which makes me cry (even when I am not hormonal) and for some reason I was pondering this plight women have to bare each month. Isaiah 53 has been called the "song of the suffering servant" (kindof sounds like it could be talking about a womans struggle with PMS. hah)

It is actually one of the greatest prophesies of the Messiah written in the Old Testament. It talks about Christs suffering and triumph. As I read about how he was "despised and rejected" esteemed as stricken(viewed with the same disdain of a leper) And how he was a "man of sorrows aquainted with grief" not only because he carried the burden of our sins on his shoulders, but because he knew the fate of those who opposed him and it cause him great emotional pain, I thought of how I acted while experiencing the emotional turmoil hormones cause.

He had the greatest spiritual/physical burdens placed on him daily and yet he still got up each day and lived it to the fullest. He didn't release anger on others for his burden. He acted. He didn't let his burden slow down his mission. He continued to act as a God. I think sometimes I still see the Savior as I did as a child. As some kind of super hero that was above the emotions of the world. I forget sometimes that he felt sorrow as we do. He felt betrayal, ridicule, unacceptance, and pain as we do. I am so touched by his ministry everytime I consider the love he gave though he was treated so poorly. Even the small number that stood by him in his earthy life ended up rejecting him.

I began to see this physical/emotional burden women have to endure every month as a small taste of what Christ felt everyday of his ministry.

How could he accomplish so much, with so much against him? How did he accomplish so much carrying so much pain and sorrow?

I have never seen a purpose for hormones which is why I hate them. However, I realized these brief hicupps in our emotions are a time we can become more like the Savior. Its easy to serve others and extend love when we feel good, but how much better will we be if we can do this even when we don't. To be happy, productive loving, longsuffering and in service to others while hormonal...to me this is what it means to truely triumph in life.(hah) Attaching a purpose to hormones such as spiritual growth and changing focus to the Savior and his example of what he did amist pain, sorrow and rejection might be the best remedy to that monthly misery.

Chaos spelled backward says family

This is some of the footage of my and Jobys first week as parents of 3 under the age of 3.
Chaos ensued as I was still healing from ripping completely, yet again (which is illustrated in my hobbled walk/jog in the video) and couldn't do much while Joby was working. So you will see a messy house, unclothed or half clothed children, food fights with anything Cru and Sage could reach on the bottom shelf of our pantry, Clean Laundry thrown down the stairs for laughs, a batman killing cowboy and excitement for a new little brother to come to our family.



I will admit I was scared out of my mind for 3, but....its not so bad once you get a routine down. However, this statement may change once Von is walking and I have three children scaling my Fridge and pantry shelves, throwing miscellaneous items in the toilet and trying to escape down the street to the neighbors.

I'll break your toys!

Today Cru's cousins came over to play and Cru was being stingy with his toys and kept taking them from his cousins exclaiming "These are mine!" I angrily told him that his cousins always share when we go to their house and if he didnt share I was going to break and throw away all of his toys!!
In my frustration and freaking out on him, the Spirit whispered "Speak softly and he will understand."

How could speaking softly be more effective than threatening toy disposal? Right?

I thought about times when I was learning a new position at work and made a mistake or didn't carry it out correctly. Those who yelled at me for my blunders just created resentment in me towards them and my work. However, those who spoke calmly and kindly and explained why we do things a certain way and how to approach it, made me want to do better. With a patient approach learning took place.
I get overwhelmed at times when I start to contemplate all of great character and principle I am suppose to instill in my children. How am I suppose to do that? Luckily we have a loving Heavenly Father that through his perfect parenting and teaching us with love, we learn how to teach his sons and daughters.
I find that these teaching moments are whispered more frequently when I am dilligent in my morning scripture study and prayer. Its nice that we are not alone in raising children. I am so grateful we have the sacred teachings of the spirit that help refine my character and explain more effective ways to teach my children righteous principles.

**Interestingly after this post I turned on the TV to watch the BYU daily devotional and they had chose to rebroadcast Elder Bednars April 2010 conference address which talks about teaching your children to Act and not be acted upon. Coincedence...probably not. And my learning continues.

Evolution

Motherhood evolution:

This was me with two kids:


This is me with 3 kids

Any questions?

Fall

41 goin on 42 weeks...

I look in my closet everyday and say hmmm should I wear the black stretchy pants or the black stretchy pants. Options are extremely limited after 40 weeks.

Livin the best Timeline

So Joby and I were watching the latest episode of Community last week where a simple roll of the die created a whole different timeline and chain of events. Afterward both Joby and I pondered where we would be had we chosen different roads in our life.
The following is the timeline I contemplated:
5 years ago I had just graduated in Broadcast Journalism. I was working with my friend Michelle at Fox 6 San Diego in the Photog department as we put together our field reporting resume tapes.
This was her:


This was me:


Both of us were offered Field Reporting positions in small markets to begin our career. Both of us were beyond excited to be News Reporters.

Here is where my timeline changed...

Michelle took the position.

I did not.

This is her 4 and a half years later:


An Anchor in a large news market in Texas

And this is me 4 and half years later:

40 weeks pregnant with our third kid. Living in a small town that resembles Radiator springs where winter lasts 8 months out of the year and sucks every last ounce of moisture from my skin and hair. Living in a house whose outside makes it look like it was transported from West Valley and I can't forget our amazing view of the trailer park. Did I mention I look and feel like a cow?

Michelle is wearing cute pant suits, interviewing political candidates, great authors and world renown scientists. Shes jumping out of planes with her photog, reporting on scene at major events meeting influencial people, getting major recognition and awards and enjoying the adenaline and excitement that working in the news brings.

I am wearing dresses that look like muumuus because I cant fit into anything because of my belly. I play at the park, get mac and cheese thrown at me, change diapers, change cloths, do laundry 24/7, referee fights, clean up messes, never get sleep, endure tantrums and whining...etc In conclusion I am a Mom

So obviously, my life could have been alot more glamorous. So why did I not take the Reporting Position? I like to blame Joby as I was offered the positions right after we were married and he did not want to move for my career. However, ultimately if I truly wanted the position and conveyed how important it was to me I have no doubt he would have moved.

I didn't realize it, but I had made my decision not to be a field reporter right before I was offered the career. See, you enter the news field thinking you are going to change the world, but as you are more exposed to the organization of the media you realize you are simply a puppet to the stations agenda. I was in countless producer meetings where reporters would offer excellent story ideas. Never once were they accepted. They were always assigned the stories that were approved by big media conglomerates and basically those who funded the station. I would have to report on things I didn't agree with and not in my tone, but the tone of the station. I began to realize journalistic liberty did not exist. Additionally the adrenaline in news is very addicting. I wonder if this would have made me put career above having children.

It was then that I made the decision(with the promptings from a loving Heavenly Father that knew it was difficult for me to give up what I thought was my dream) that I could be much more influential in the world if I raised a family in the Gospel so they could go out and be examples to others.

5 years later I am grateful and confident I chose the best timeline because I have these precious irreplaceable gems. Life is good




“Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you but on what happens inside of you. It is measured by the spirit with which you meet the problems of life.” It will often be necessary for all of us to choose between having a good time and leading a good life. -President Harold B. Lee

Bridal showers can be fun

Ah.... fun Times. So great when all the girls can get together, especially if its in celebration.

Sums bridal shower and advice Part1


Part 2

The Archer DNA "wuss strand" surfaces again.

So a little over a year ago I posted this:



Sadly, Crus bravery has not improved as seen below.



Somebodys genes are to blame and I can confidently say they are not mine as I have seen Joby cry like a little girl when he accidentally steps on Crus plastic farm toys.

Motherhood and the regression of my intelligence

I and Cru's ongoing argument:

ME: "Cru do not unlatch your seatbelt." (it doesn't really matter what I say his response is still the same)

CRU: "Mom you just said poopies!"

ME: I did not say poopies or anything reminiscent of it I made reference to your seatbelt!

CRU: " You said poopies!"

ME: Cru! I did not!

CRU: Yes you did!

ME: "NO I DIDN'T! Nor have I ever said poopies! Stop saying that!

CRU: (laughing) You said poopies!

ME: I DID NOT SAY POOPIES!!!!!"

And so the intellectual battle continues.....

And in other news....so does the confusion...

Sage will not walk and its frustrating me. The confusion is that she won't walk,

but she will do this:

Open the toilet lid, climb up and sit in it.

I don't understand.

"as they walked and walked and walked AND WALLLLked"

We just returned from trek 2 weeks ago and this is the first year Pioneer Day has meant more than parades and fireworks.

Joby and I were called as Ma and Pas for trek back in February, to give us time to prepare, and were told the experience would change our lives. Walking in a bonnet and dress through Wyoming is going to change my life?

Right

Well it did.

I use to think the Pioneers were just "some people that did something hard a long time ago." Luckily being called to this gave Joby and I the desire to study these great Saints and what we learned and experienced will forever inspire the best in us.

There were moments walking on the trail where they walked that were so sacred not one person in our company of 250 could contain their emotions. A wave of humble cries slowly broke out and you knew you were on hallowed ground.

The pioneers reached some of the greatest character possible in this life. They came to know the Savior personally on earth and their examples of Faith, love and sacrifice will continue to be a compass through my own challenges.

If you ever get the chance to go on trek...take it.

Great read:Fire of the Covenant

Great Movie: 17 Miracles...(even Joby cried ..don't tell him I told you)